Let’s talk about the word FAT. It’s uncomfortable, it’s not a word we love. Why do we hate the word fat when it’s just an adjective?
Is it because society tells us fat = bad?
Is it because we’ve been put on crazy diets most of our lives by people we trusted to keep us safe and instead they shamed our bodies?
Is it because some of us struggle with ED?
Or did the stigma of the word cause the ED?
Is it because (most often) hetero dudes use it as their fallback insult when they’ve got nothing else to pick apart?
That last one hits with me, because even when I was thinner (ringing in around a 0-2 size) dudes would call me fat because they lacked creativity to find another target because FAT is easy. Society has taught us to fear it. It’s one insult that hits all women to the core, no matter their size. It makes us feel unworthy, unlovable, and unattractive.
But let’s talk about the word fat. Let’s talk about making it neutral. It’s just a descriptor. It has no bearing on our moral compass. It doesn’t make us good or bad. We either are or we aren’t. That’s it.
Merriam Webster defines fat in several ways:
fat (adjective)
1 notable for having an unusual amount of fat:
a : PLUMP
a cute, fat little baby
b : having excessive body fat
… a woman of medium height, a little plump but not fat
c : of a meat animal : fattened for market
d : of food : OILY, GREASY
a fat, rich cheese
2 a : well filled out : THICK, BIG
a fat book
b : full in tone and quality : RICH
a gorgeous fat bass voice — Irish Digest
c : well stocked
a fat larder
d : PROSPEROUS, WEALTHY
grew fat on the war
e : being substantial and impressive
a fat bank account
3 a : richly rewarding or profitable
a fat part in a movie
a fat contract
b : practically nonexistent
a fat chance
4 : PRODUCTIVE, FERTILE
a fat year for crops
fat noun
1 : animal tissue consisting chiefly of cells distended with greasy or oily matter
2 a : oily or greasy matter making up the bulk of adipose tissue and often abundant in seeds
3 : the best or richest part
4 : OBESITY
5 : something in excess : SUPERFLUITY
trim the fat from the news operation
The only negative version is in an example sentence about a woman.
A baby is cute and fat.
An animal is fattened for market, which is usually desirable.
Food is fat and rich.
A voice is gorgeous and fat.
Food that is well stocked is a fat larder.
Concerning wealth or a career, fat is impressive or rewarding.
The list goes on. But a woman is plump, but not fat inferring that fat is bad.
When I look at myself, I’m like, “Fuck. I’m fat.”
I’m not that 0-2 I once used to be.
I have a tummy. I have meaty thighs. My arms keep waving after I’ve finished waving.
I’m not an “acceptable” fat with a tucked in waist like some of the models we’re starting to see in ads attempting to show diversity… I’m a “Danny Devito as Penguin in Batman wearing a onesie” fat. **imagine me giggling maniacally and flapping my hands around now*** My stomach is round, my pants cut into my waist. I opt for pants with stretch because sometimes jeans are just plain uncomfortable.
My body has changed and some days, I’m like, “Fuck, I’m fat” and I berate myself. Other days, I’m like, “Fuck, I’m fat” and I accept it as fact.
Body Acceptance vs. Body Positivity
“The body positive movement was created by and for people in marginalized bodies, particularly fat, Black, queer, and disabled bodies.” says Chelsea Kronengold, the manager of communications at the National Eating Disorders Association.
Some days it’s a struggle to retrain my brain out of what society and parental figures have drilled into my brain.
Some days I don’t give it a second thought.
Some days I celebrate my fat and remind myself of what my body has done for me.
Some days I accept my body, but I don’t always love my body.
“Body positivity is all about changing how you think about your body instead of changing your body itself. The difference between body positivity and body acceptance is that with body acceptance, you don’t have to be thrilled with your body every minute, but instead you can figure out how to accept it.” https://www.emilyprogram.com/blog/understanding-body-positivity-body-acceptance-and-body-neutrality/
Body positivity can be restrictive. It’s loving your body every day, no matter what. Never changing your body, not shaving, not dying your hair, not getting tattoos. Not changing your body period.
And never having a negative thought towards your body. So those days I accept (but don’t love my body) aren’t allowed.
Teri Hofford wrote an incredible article about Body Image vs. Body Positivity, which I highly recommend reading to help challenge your mind and change some ways you think about your body. Teri says:
“Some people have a body positive body image – but most people do not AND no one has a body positive body image ALL the time… By focusing on body image, I am able to reverse engineer my thoughts, breaking it down to fact vs. fiction whereas body positivity does not leave room for this type of critical thinking. Body positivity simply encourages that you are positive towards yourself all the time – which is great in theory, but not great in practicality.”
Body acceptance/body image has more versatility in every day application. Every day I try to show myself love, even if I can’t show my body love. I take a moment for myself: shower, sleep, eat delicious food, indulge in whatever I choose.
When I work with clients during their boudoir sessions, we’re not working on changing their body or hiding their bodies. We are working towards acceptance and showing off their bodies.
I tell every client, “You don’t have to love your body, but let me photograph it and show you that every bit is worthy of being seen and photographed. During your reveal, if a photo is not your favorite or you’re not ready to accept that part of your body that’s absolutely ok. My hope is by seeing that part of your body that maybe you’ll take a step closer towards like.”
In the meantime, I ask clients to try and appreciate their bodies, to associate their bodies with their personal journeys and accomplishments. Take a moment to thank your body.
You don’t have to love your body every day, but we can all take a step closer to like.
Today I chose to take a video of my son laughing and playing on my fat. He loves to jump on my belly, blow raspberries in my fat, and cuddle on my stomach. He delights in my fat; it’s warm, comforting, and makes a good pillow. To him: fat is good, it’s fun, it’s mama. The next time I have a negative “Fuck, I’m fat” moment I can watch that video and say, “Fuck, I’m fat” and smile.
